A Dare for All Coaches

Truth or Dare? Remember that game?  As a kid, I always chose truth. I hated to be embarrassed, so dare was just simply off the table for me.  As an adult, I’ve come to see the value in the dare.

One of my favorite books of all time is Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly.  If you haven’t read it---stop now and just buy it.  You will thank me later. The title of the book is derived from Teddy Roosevelt’s “Man in the Arena” quote:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

I read this book years ago, and the last line sort of put a fear in me.  I didn’t want to be a cold and timid soul...but I knew I was.  I have -as I think we all do- a little voice in me that wants everything to be perfect. It wants every lesson to go well, to never be embarrassed, to always know what the outcome is going to be.   That voice is dangerous-in life and in coaching. That voice keeps me safe, but it keeps me from coming up with new ideas and trying new things. That voice is the voice that wants me to train teachers on what to do but never actually step into a classroom to see how it might work.  Because what if it doesn’t?  What if I mess up?  What if I can’t get the kids to do the work?  What if? What if? What if?  That scared voice likes for me to think that failing would be the most awful thing ever.  So, I decided this year to shut that voice up. 

How did I do that?  I had to purposefully dare myself to do some demo lessons that very well might fail.  There were some things I was reading about that I knew could make big impacts in classrooms, but I needed to do them to see how they worked. In my own classroom, that would not be a big deal. In fact, I tried things all the time. But in my role as a consultant/coach---it’s SCARY. I’m supposed to be the “expert”. I’m supposed to have tried everything, done it, know how it works, and be able to replicate it--perfectly. (Well, at least that’s what the little voice tells me.) 

Let’s just say that I have had plenty of demo bombs this year. But I’ve learned some lessons that I might not have otherwise.  Here was what I learned by failing in front of teachers:

1. Either get in the ring or get out. If I am going to ask teachers to do something---like try a new practice or video themselves teaching--I MUST be willing to do the same.  There is no wiggle room here.  If I’m not willing to do it - forget it. If I AM willing, though--different game.

2. “Demo Lessons” come in different forms. When a lesson doesn’t go right, take advantage of the opportunity to demonstrate your own leaning.  Ask for the teacher’s - and students’- input and get some suggestions for how to improve it.  Sometimes the “demonstration” part of a lesson is not in the lesson itself but in the aftermath of showing how you think through what went wrong and seek to make revisions-not blaming the students, not making excuses, not thinking that this one failed lesson must mean you are a terrible teacher/coach--just growing in front of someone.

3. It is NORMAL for things to go wrong. It’s never easy when something doesn’t go right--especially in those classes where you really NEED it to go right, but that’s life. It doesn’t mean you are bad at what you do. It means what you make it mean, so make it mean that you’re human and have off days sometimes.

4. It’s not always about me...what?! Whether a teacher truly gets something out of the demo lesson is not totally dependent on your execution of it. It has a lot to do with whether she feels respected and safe in the whole coaching context and, quite frankly, whether the teacher wants to get something out of it or not.  I have had teachers watch me do terrible lessons and still be able to walk away with something.  On the same hand, I’ve knocked some lessons out of the park yet had very little impact on the teacher.

5. Showing up is the best demo.  I have said many times before that I sometimes jokingly call coaching the act of “being the mosquito” because there are more times than not that it can feel like you are that thing that keeps coming around even though you may not be wanted all the time.  BUT you just keep showing up. When they hate you, you show up.  When they love you, you show up. When they are sick of you, you show up. When they invite you to their rooms, you show up. When they hurt your feelings (or when you hurt theirs), you show up. When you’re not sure if your lesson is going to be perfect, you SHOW UP so that you can show that perfection is not the goal. Learning is.

So, since spring is a time of growth...I dare you to do something that will make you grow.  I dare you to try something that you would like your teachers to try. And...double dog dare you to do it in front of them!